The results from our toucans’ Avian Gender Test are in! Care to make one last guess as to what you think our birds’ sexes are? WITHOUT scrolling to the bottom of the post – sheesh! Seriously, what would you do without me keeping you honest? And through a computer screen no less!
Now, as you may remember, I went on the record with my official prediction in Part I of this series forecasting that Paco would be a male and both Paz and Pepe would be females. I gave my supporting evidence and was certain I had the advantage over the rest of you simply because I am The Toucan Lady, Best Pal of the Toucans, and all other titles which basically state that I am the one on the inside of the cage and you, my friend, are a few more degrees of separation from the Three-Cans (and Kevin Bacon too, for that matter). So, are you ready for the verdict?
Drum roll if you please…
I was completely, 100% wrong-O. Shocking, I know, what with all of my scientific backing to my conjecturing. But as it turns out, our toucans’ correct genders are: Paco – female, Paz & Pepe – male. Now please – go ahead and take a moment to regain your composure. I have had a couple of days to allow this startling information to sink in and my mind is still boggled. Honestly, my first reaction was to dispute these blasphemous results and insist on a retest. But the vet has reassured me that there was no monkey business with the blood samples and they were sent to the US for accurate processing. (No offense to our island comrades, but if the processing was taking place here, we would likely still be awaiting the results and there is a good chance they could be “mis-sent to Thailand” as last year’s Christmas cards which we received in May).
It is incredibly difficult for me to look Paz in the eyes and think of her (him) as a boy. Same goes with Paco – I had always gazed upon that big noggin of his (hers) with the conviction that he (she) was my big boy. It’s a fortunate thing that I’m not a gambling fiend or I might be shy three toucans at this very minute. Sigh. Of. Relief.
So now comes the biggest predicament: what to do about their gender-specific names? Unfortunately, I brought this upon myself with my preemptive naming, knowing full well that their genders were a mystery. Why couldn’t I have just gone with Pat, Alex, & Taylor? Instead, I took the plunge into the murky waters of guessing sexes of non-sexually dimorphic creatures. I painted the walls pink and blue and am now eating the chips. Thankfully, at least Pepe can stay the same name. But what about the others? David is of the opinion that it has only been 4 months, they don’t fully know their names yet, and it’s better to right our mistake now rather than spend the next 20 years correcting people, “No, Paco is a girl…” which would get a) annoying and b) offensive to our Puerto Rican friends named Paco.
So there you have it. It is written. Paco is now Paz and Paz is now Paco. From here on, when I am referring to Paz, I will be meaning the female/former Paco and when I refer to Paco, I will be speaking of the male/former Paz. If you think that sentence is confusing, you should spend the day as a fly on the wall in our house. Now, when referring to the individual toucans, we find ourselves saying, “No, the old Paco” or “Oops, I meant the new Paz”. Don’t even get me started on pronoun usage.
But, I have to agree with David that it’s all for the best in the years to come and the only one really affected is me. The toucans are adjusting fine to their new names and before we know it, it will all be one funny story from our toucan beginnings that we can reference at future cocktail parties with a chuckle, “Remember when we thought Paco was a female? How crazy were we?!” (Notice how interesting we are! I bet you’re thinking how much you want to invite us to your next shindig! 😉 )
Oh, and in less important (slash WAY more important) news – the toucans’ blood tests and x-rays also came back all healthy! So now we can celebrate that our birds are both physically sound and no longer sexually androgynous. Bright times ahead in Toucanland!